In Krishna Consciousness

The Difficulty nd The Sweetness That Came From Fixing The Plumbing

2010-08-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

The kitchen plumbing broke Monday of last week. It was a hugely busy week and we had buckets under our three compartment sink that had to be dumped into the garden when they got close to full. ( the soap is 100% earth friendly) Monday Sri Arjun had planned to fix the clog with a plumbing snake. He didn't want to do it and didn't know how to do it. But I said he was 15 and he could figure it out. He tried to take the pipes apart to put the snake in but the pipes all broke. Aparently the plumber we paid to help last time, glued the pipes together. I understand that it is not good practice to glue pipes together. Sri Arjun cleared the clog but with no pipes connected to the sinks we still had a problem. By the end of the week the dishes were starting to really pile up, and my stand on NOT being the one to fix the problem was softening. Saturday morning while sitting quietly an idea came to me of how to fix the plumbing. Mind you I am not a plumber nor do I ever aspire to be one, but it had been 6 days and I wanted it fixed. I explained my idea to the friendly helper at the plumbing store and he showed me everything I would need. By the time I returned home from the store I had to hurry to meet a friendly older couple who had a trunk load of flower bulbs to give me for my garden. From there I hurried to Janamastani play rehersals at the Temple. Between one reherasal and the other I pleaded my case with the director of the play. I HAD to fix my kitchen plumbing and get my kitchen clean. But when I got home I sat on the kitchen floor, thought about what I had to do and felt overwhelmed. I wanted someone else to do it, or at least someone to help. But there was no one who knew how to help. I thought of who I could discuss the situation with but realized discussing would only take time and no one would be able to, or would offer to come and do it for me. Then I pleaded "Krishna please be sympathetic, I don't know how to do this, please show me how to do this, I really want it to be fixed easily and quickly." In the past when I have had to do this kind of thing it was so hard and took several trips to the store and sooo much time.

Now the plumbing is fixed and I am so happy to wash dishes. Though my back and shoulder are very sore from the work, I am stll thinking of the whole experiance and how Krishna guided me through it. Some of the parts where very difficult to put together. One was too long and I had to cut it, but as all of my big knives where dirty I grabbed one with veganase on it. As I cut the flexible tubing it was lubricated from the veganase on the knife and then fit over the connector so much easier than before. After that I used veganase on all the parts. Thank you Krishna! As I was fitting parts together and tighting clamps I wondered why I have to do this kind of work. Was I a plumber in my last life? Why do I frequently need to do hard jobs? Then I remembered something Aruddha Mataji said. Krishna makes us expert at all things, I know that job would have taken so much longer had I not been in almost constant prayer and listening carefully for the Krishna's guidance. And as I depended on Krishna for guidcence I grew closer in my relationship with Him.

It wasn't all sweet though, before I started I was so upset with Sri Arjun for not doing it that I raised my voice and called him a lazy bum. He took it well and just said he didn't know how to fix it. But that only frustrated me more, it's not like I went to plumbing school. I wanted him to figure it out. He is a young man and I have no problem saying that plumbing is more of a mans job than a Mothers job. At one point I smashed my hand between my thumb and my pointer finger so hard a vein ruptured inside and was bleeding under my skin. Fortunately I missed hitting bone. I wanted to call someone to cry to but I didn't. I almost gave it up. I told my children to please leave me alone for a while. I cried and sang out and then said "ok I have to finish" that last bit of determination and hard work paid off and the project was soon completed. When I hit my hand I was feeling a little bit proud, some company had come into the house and walked back while I had my head and arms under the sink. They were shocked to find me like that that. By their response I felt pretty smart. But who is the doer? Haha anyway as I got back to work I smashed my hand and remembered I don't know a thing, I need guidance. The sweetest thing that came from this. (besides the fact that my sink is so clean and shinny you can practically see yourself in it.) Is that I felt Krishna's reciprocation. Sometimes we want someone to help and sometimes it seems there is no one who can. But Krishna always can and always wants us to ask Him to. Today I felt like I wanted some kindness, (sometimes it's like that and everything makes me want to either laugh or cry. The whole week has been like that.) I asked Krishna please let me reciprocate with Him, I asked for Him to let me feel His affection and kindness. We usually want to find happiness in relationships with friends or family, but all of those relationships are temporary and bring misery as well as happiness. Our relationship with Krishna is eternal and is always comforting and blissful. I am desiring to remember Him in all situations and engage with Him. Friendly relationships are very special and I cherish the few close friends I have. I appreciate the relationships with friends who I have known for a long time and who have always been kind. Even if we aren't super super close, I see that they are kind hearted and not envious. I like to remember all of those friends and to think of their nice qualities. I am most thankful though for remembering my dear most friend Krishna. He knows me completely, gives me exactly what I need, loves more than anyone else, and is always ready and desiring to talk with me, play with me, listen to me, and reciproacte with me and everyone else too ..... He is the perfect friend, and with Guru's blessings I hope to be a servant a friend to Him too.

BTW this morning I told Sri Arjun that if a job like that needed to be done again he would have to figure it out and solve it.. He could see the that the stress of having to do that, espcially when I was already so busy was very hard on me. He agreed to do the next job even if it means getting a book to help him figure it out. I can talk him through it mabey but I feel like I need to seriously retire from that kind of hard labor.

Hare Krishna

Amrta dd

Kindness, The Most Important Ingrediant.

2010-08-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

It is Kindness that attracted me to the temple, the devotees and to Krishna. Before I knew anything about Krishna, kind hearted devotees gave me prasadam. 20 years years later I was invited into a temple and saw the form of the Lord, and heard the dancing devotees singing the Maha Mantra. I was bewildered but definitely attracted. That is the power of the Holy Name:) And with more prasadam and kirtan I became hooked. I remember feeling so far removed from Krishna, I could only beg to be allowed to serve those engaged in His service. The service I found washing dishes, sweeping floors, carrying in groceries, folding laundry, etc, gave me such a feeling of happiness. I felt connected to Krishna though his devotees. I listened, asked questions, and waited for instructions. I remember singing along with Aruddha Mataji while she cooked. Gopal would often be sweeping the floor and leading the kirtan. I would wash dishes and look at their happy faces. I hung on every sweet word of Krishna katha. My children and I looked forward to Sundays and tried to come as much as possible during the week. Seeing the Deities, smelling the incense, hearing the tape of Srila Prabhupad chanting and seeing the smiling faces of the devotees was well worth the 20 minute drive. Aruddha Mataji was always kind to me and had plenty of prasadam ready for whoever dropped by. Sometimes she was heavy, but only briefly. She mostly smiled speaking about Krishna. Now I understand the work and thought that went into preparing with love, opulent items for the Lord, and then setting aside prasadam for my family and I. It was given with a smile and inquire into how I was coming along. The kind devotees always filling me with prasadam and Krishna Katha attracted me to the personality of Krishna. They were always telling me about Krishna, that or chanting His holy names so I could sing along. I loved to sing along.

In those days my realizations were rapid fire. I could feel the super soul leading me and it was awesome. I prayed for guidance and after I made a little advancement, I begged. Krishna's mercy came to me as road blocks in my path for spiritual realization. By finding ways around those road blocks I found Krishna sweetly giving His reciprocation for every small bit of effort. Krishna appeared before me in His beautiful Deity form, so attractive, so sweet and charming. Krishna gave himself to me mercifully on a plate to be honored as maha prasada. Krishna came to me, who was looking but had no clue what I would find. I used to go out in the night, my arms reaching up to the heavens and sing to the lord, "please come into my life, please come into my life," Krishna heard me and by His causeless mercy gave me devotee association. He has never left me, though has put in the humble position to cry, beg and try again many, many times.
I didn't know how to arrange my life in a way that would allow for me to chant 16 rounds, prepare and offer nice bhoga, mother my children, keep my house clean, work outside the home, and keep my husband from totally freaking out about the change. I called to talk with Aruddha Mataji and her family whenever I had a question or when I felt like I needed devotee association. They would listen and encourage me. Once after coming home from work, completing the evening chores and putting my children to rest I was beginning to offer prayers to Sri Sri Gaura Nitai. (Their picture was hanging in a kitchen cupboard that I cleared and made into a place for offering food and prayers.) As I began to offer prayers Their picture fell down. It was laminated and sticking to the wall with sticky tac. It had been a difficult day, I didn't finish my rounds, I was rushing trying to cook and take my children to the near by park before dinner. I put their picture back up on the wall 3 times and it fell down each time. Then I prayed and cried. I remember feeling desperate, I wanted to remember Krishna. I wanted my children and husband to remember Krishna. We were so lost and clueless, and there were so many obstacles. I sat on the kitchen floor offered obeisances then sat up and cried. I asked Krishna to please stay up in my cupboard so I could have a place to see him and offer the food. And I asked him to please show me what I was doing wrong. I knew that He also wanted me to remember Him. Surely it should be possible. I felt that there must be a way. After praying in this way for sometime I got up and tried again to place their picture in the cupboard, and that time it stayed. Now I can understand how kind it was of Krishna to put me in a place of desperation. The next day either I called Aruddha Mataji or she called to check on me which she did quite often. I relayed the whole experience to her. I felt like I should always bake fresh bread or cookies or something nice so my family would be satisfied eating home instead of going out. And I wanted to take my children to the park every evening as long as the weather was good. She cleared my misconception real quick. "Don't you have a back yard Why can't they play in the yard while you cook? They don't have to go everyday to the park" It was so clear but I didn't see it. I thought since I was working away from them all day I should give them a treat when I returned home. Those first years were like living with constant tremors and occasional strong earthquakes. Everything was changing and settling. The only constant was the kindness of the devotees cheering me on (literally) and the super soul kindly reciprocating with my desire and efforts.

Fall downs were devastating, I felt and visualized sliding down a huge mountain, a beautiful mountain the best place I had ever been. There I was at the very bottom again. But in my visualization I could see that there was no place to go but up. I definitely didn't want to hang out at the bottom when the nectar was above me.

I can't stress enough that kindness is most essential to giving Krishna consciousness. I was given so much kindness, and now that I am preaching to others I see that there is no way for me to preach without caring for the person I am preaching to. We don't preach because we are so fixed up that we can now make devotees. It is not a way to show off or feel proud, preaching goes on because it is what Guru wants. It is what Krishna wants and if there is no one to preach to then we preach to the four walls. It is out of kindness, and it is also so that we will remember Krishna and become purified. There are so many people searching, many who are standing right in front of us. Kindness attracts, Krishna's holy name and prasadam attract and purify, and everyone makes advancement in the process.

Sincerity

2010-06-13T15:08:00.001-07:00

I am writing about a devotee who has shown the humility and sincerity to be honest about her anarta. Envy to be exact. Writing I feel like crying because she was a close friend and it was hurtful going through a time of stiff disconnection. I am so thankful for our coming together again. From the time I was fortunate enough to start preaching to her, I noticed her joyful and enthusiastic nature. It was something I could relate to, and also very much appreciated being around.

Sometimes I can feel the subtle energy almost most as clearly as I can see the manifest in front of my eyes. And that is how it was with this friend. I could feel the envy but I didn't feel like I could talk to her about it. Envy is a hard anarta to get through. I have read and been told that we all have it in our heart, but it is not one I have had come to the surface yet. Anyway, I decided to give this Mataji some space. But being in a small community we couldn't completely avoid each other. When I saw her, I wondered and speculated "what could she possible want that I have?!" One thing I didn't think much about was how she must be hurting. I was feeling that I was hurting.

One day out of the blue, I received an email from my friend. She thanked me for being a friend to her, and said she appreciated me but that she needed to deal with her anarta of envy and jealousy. She apologized, and thanked me for giving her space to get through it. It takes a lot of courage to own up to envy, and I was happy to read her letter. A little cautious but happy. I thought that we could maybe start to associate. But we didn't. There was no communication, no eye contact, I felt invisible in front of her. So I continued to walk and look the other way. I pretty much ignored it the best I could. Krishna was teaching me to let go. I remember sometimes feeling like I was starving to have some honest clear communication, but it wasn't happening. I sometimes wanted to shout, but didn't.

The reason for writing this now is that finally there has been a break in the silence. It didn't come suddenly. I could feel the effort being made. It began with small gestures, like eye contact and acknowledgment. That was followed by some necessary communication having to do with seva, the communication felt nice. Recently though, by Krishna's arrangement the opportunity presented itself and we sat alone and talked. At first testing the water so to speak, to see if it was safe to come out with the untold. After sometime discussing superficial things, and wanting to get to the deep issue, it all came out. Sad as it has been, this part was beautiful, her communication was so honest even though it left her open to ridicule, or whatever, she came out with it, and cried while doing so. I feel a lot of appreciation for her. This is not the first time I have been through this kind of thing. But it is the first it I have dealt with someone so honest about their anarta. Beyond my wanting to express this in writing due to it being admirable the way this devotee went through the process of seeing, being honest and letting go, it is also very much a lesson to anyone who happens to read it. No matter what lies in our heart, it can be washed away. She saw something she didn't like. Instead of pretending it wan't hers she tried to figure out exactly what it was. She confided in a trusted friend (this part is so important!) and she asked Krishna to please remove it. I admire her determination in dealing with something very hard, not only her determination but her honesty. I can't remember how long it has been that we didn't speak, today we hugged. These kind of meetings aren't planned out. Krishna just arranges everything and then when the time is right it occurs.

How Great Is Your Desire?

2010-06-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

I didn't sleep Friday night, but cleaned and prepared food for my family to have while I would be away. About 4:30 Saturday morning Ajay came over, and though we planned to leave for the airport right away we didn't get out of the house until very late. :) It was getting to be fun though. I entered the Boise Airport at about 5:30 am. Due to lack of sleep and having been so busy everything seemed really funny. I saw so many people, all kinds of people. Some returned a smile and some walked by swearing under their breath. But I was feeling great joy because by Krishna's grace I was on my way to be with Nisha on her initiation day.

I recall how she struggled against great odds to chant 16 rounds of japa everyday. I can clearly remember one morning she dropped her daughter at my home, and said "I chanted 9 rounds in the car yesterday." I was very happy for her. She was determined to somehow find time to chant. Nine was better than eight or less. The point is that she fixed her mind on wanting to surrender to Sri Krishna, to chant 16 rounds. She held onto the goal and didn't let go. Everyday the goal was 16. When she fell short instead of giving up she continued to look for ways to chant 16 rounds. I felt that Krishna must have been very pleased with her efforts.

Once seated on the plane I began to chant japa, and while chanting I was seeing Sri Sri Radha Banke Bihari in my minds eye. It was very sweet, they are so beautiful and kind. As I was relishing having their association, They left, and there stood Krishna & Balarama. Seeing Lord Balaram rest His beautiful arm on Shyamasundars shoulder was a beautiful sight. I kept chanting. Before then I had been only focused on somehow making it to Nisha's initiation. But at that point I became excited to have darshan of the two brothers the two Supreme Lords of my heart.

When I arrived at the Atlanta airport I was amazed at the sight of so many people. Looking around smiling I met eyes with a man who worked for Delta airlines. I approached him to ask about my next flight, seeing where I was headed he said "Hare Krishna, you're going for the installation then?" The first person I spoke with said "Hare Krishna!" it was really cool. But there was no time to talk further, I had to go far to catch my next flight.

Nisha Mataji met me at the Gainesville airport with great enthusiasm. She wore a huge smile and gave me a bowl of brown rice and vegetables from her garden. It was amazing. I really hadn't tasted anything so delicious and satisfying in a very long time. She must have seasoned it with love and devotion. I am a slow eater when I am tired so she was being her usual motherly self and telling me eat, Amrta eat! We drove through the heavy rain alongside lush green forests. The smell reminded me of living in Louisiana. It had been a long time gone since I smelled that rainy east coast smell.

On the temple grounds there were two big tents set up about 30 yards apart from each other. Under the tent closest to the parking area there was a kirtan just beginning, Gaura Vani and others were on stage. Prabhu began to speak about the mercy of the guru. And then he sang vande guroh sri caranaravindam. I cried thinking of my Guru Maharaj and sang along while recording the kirtan. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn0-KWh-QHE&feature=channel I didn't get to have the camera long because my big sister was serious about me finishing my dinner so she took over the recording. That turned out very nice because after honoring prasad I was able to dance.

I had never seen so many devotees together in one place. After offering obeisances to Lokanath Swami and Indradyumna Swami and asking them both to please visit New Bihavan Dham again, I walked towards the other larger tent. Under the tent there were three sections. A big platform was set up where brahmin priests were standing with their hands on Krishna and Balaram. In front of them on the ground there were large fire yajnas. I counted them but was so tired I don't remember if there were 5 or 7. Outside of this area devotees were seated on chairs and on the ground chanting mantras and witnessing the long precise process of Deity installation. I gave my full attention to what was taking place, observing everyone around me. It was beautiful, when I knew the mantra being chanted I followed along, but I didn't want to make a mistake in pronunciation so if I wasn't sure I just listened. This was Saturday evening . The Deities would not be fully installed until Sunday evening.

After sitting and watching for a while I began to feel dizzy and extremely tired. I got up to look for Nisha Mataji. On the way out of the tent, I passed Radhanath Swami and Varshana Swami. They were sitting on a staircase leading up to the platform. I really wanted to thank Maharaja for giving His mercy to Nisha Mata. But I wasn't sure if it would be ok to approach Him. I asked a devotee sitting close by them if he thought it would be ok for me to speak to Maharaja. He didn't hesitate but got up and touched Maharaja's shoulder saying that I wanted to speak with Him. I wasn't ready for that and felt shy and hesitant. But both Radhanath Swami and Varshana Swami were looking at me quietly so I began to speak. "I am friends with Nisha Mataji. I have known her for a long time. I am so happy for her that you are giving her your mercy, she has struggled and never given up. It has been hard for her because she is a single mother and I know she had to try very hard, but she is determined, she is so kind and humble and she is very fortunate now because you are giving her shelter." I remember Varshana Swami smiled and Radhanath Swami's eyes closed almost completely as he smiled very slowly. His eyes looked like lotus petals, it was a beautiful sight the two of them smiling peacefully. Then Varshana Swami asked my name and where I was from. I answered. He said I had come a long way for the initiation. I just smiled and nodded. Then Radhanath Maharaja turned His attention back to Krishna and Balarama. I backed away a few steps and offered obeisances.

I felt mercy everywhere, and I was thinking that anyone can have this mercy. They can have a lot or a little. It all depends on their desire. I remembered my Guru Maharaja, His Holiness Gopal Krishna Goswami saying greed is necessary in order to make spiritual advancement. We must be greedy for Prema, greedy for mercy. Remembering His words, and the kirtan I heard when I first arrived in New Ramin Reti, I thought about how important japa is. It is a sign of our commitment to please Guru and Krishna and of our desire to achieve Krishna prem. How desperate are we for guru's mercy? One of the many wonderful results of chanting japa is that even if we aren't so desperate for Krishna prem, but chant to fulfill Krishna's desire that we chant, we will soon become hungry for prem, hunger for mercy. Just by chanting and serving everything else follows.

I borrowed someone's cell phone to call Nisha Mata. I was so tired and dizzy by that time, I sat under a big tree, explained my surroundings and Mata soon found me. I thought I would go back to her home and write about my experiences so far. But after writing about a paragraph, and sending a few emails I passed out on the hardwood floor in her room. A few hours passed when I woke up hearing the sound of devotees talking in the living room. We spent a few hours sharing stories of devotees, our spiritual masters and god siblings. I was in bliss. Even when I was hearing a story I had already heard, I was excited and hanging on every sweet word. I didn't feel tired anymore and wanted to go on hearing this nectar but we all knew that in order to rise up early in the morning we had to first take rest. This was beginning of an amazing 5 days filled with sweet association and wonderful realizations.

On day two Nandini Mata and I prepared 6 items for Krishna and then brought the offering for Radhanath Swami who was staying at the home of Gosta Bihari Prabhu and Maha Vishnu Priya Mataji. While Maharaj honored the lunch prasadam Nandini and I sat on a couch behind him reading about Srila Prabahupad's pastimes. It was very relaxing for me to be able to be in the moment without being concerned about caring for my children. Though I love them all immensely and was so happy to return and hug them all, still it was a nice break.

When Maharaja finished and went up stairs we shared prasadam with Gosta Bihari and Maha Vishnu Priya. Being in their association was very nice. They told stories about their memories of Srila Prabhupad and how they came to Krishna consciousness. I asked permission to record them speaking and they readily agreed with the idea. We spent another hour recording 10 minute clips of wonderful memories and realizations. They are a very nice couple and both disciples of His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupad.

Later that evening I attempted to import the videos and pictures from my memory card to Mataji's computer. I selected to have all imported material removed from my card so I would have room to record the initiation lecture the next day. After the import was complete and I attempted to upload videos to YouTube I realized that all of the videos I had taken thus far were not on her computer and had been deleted from my memory card. Nandini Mata's computer doesn't accept video. Wow!... I sang a verse from a song I have recently written. "When I didn't want to let go that's when you took it away" Krishna is perfect though, and that is also part of the song. Fortunately the memory card with an hour long kirtan by Gopal Hari was safely in my camera bag. And also if I hadn't learned that Mataji's computer doesn't read video I would have lost the initiation lecture the next day. We lost the recordings of Gosta Prabhu and Maha Vishna Priya's memories and realizations. I tried making arrangements to connect with them before leaving but it didn't work out. I hope on my next visit we will rerecord their memories.http://picasaweb.google.com/Amrtadevidasi/AlachuaNewRamanRetiDham2010KrishnaBalaramInstallation

Sunday evening was full of excitment and great joy. Seeing Krishna and Balarama dressed so beautifully on the alter for the first time was an awesome experience. I felt very fortunate to be there and dance and sing their glories. There were so many people crowded in the temple that I almost couldn't breath. I was breathing, but I felt like I wasn't. Where we were standing there was no fresh air. It was so hot I almost wanted to go out of the temple. I spoke out loud "I am not this body" affirming that fact made the situation tolerable. We were jumping high trying to see their Lordships, they were so beautiful! After a while Nandini Kishori led me a little closer to the side and all of a sudden I was breathing fresh air. Then I followed her lead toward the outside and up to the front of the temple room. I watched her go right up to see Krishna and Balarama. There was a mataji standing there saying no one could come that way. But I saw that Nandini managed so I took her instruction and went up. The mataji, I'm sure being very sweet but determined to do her service, was becoming firm. I heard her talking strictly to those trying to go up in front of me so I got down on my knees and snuck up. I was seeing Krishna and Balarama up close and then I noticed that just to my right Lokanatha Swami was standing with his hands together in prayer. I was right next to his lotus feet and so close to Krishna and Balaram. When I heard the Mataji tell me I had to go from there I pretended not to hear her. I didn't want to go. She was pretty soft with me. Seeing the fortunate position I was in she gave me some slack. But it wan't much longer before Krishna was telling me to go, so I did.

I walked out of the temple and met Nandini Mata, then we were both offered small earthen pots full of Krishna Balaram maha prasad. Nandini suggested we go to hear the kirtan going on under the big tent. Feeling blissful from Krishna and Balarma's mercy I followed her lead. I felt like Krishna was leading the way and everything was perfect. The feast was super delicious, so yummy! Mataji was introducing me to so many nice devotees. And I sat talking with them. The kirtan didn't last too long because they all went in to see the Lord. But I enjoyed sitting in the night air talking with devotees. It is quite different for me to not have plans, deadlines and important commitments. My brain felt very relaxed and mellow.

Day 3 Initiation day! http://picasaweb.google.com/Amrtadevidasi/AmrtaDdPhotos# Mungal arati , japa and Gayatri mantra outside just as the sun was coming up. Radhanath Swami was not giving morning class so we went home and took a short nap. I gave Nandini the two bracelets I brought for her. It was a simple gift but they look very pretty on her. I have uploaded the lecture Radhanath Swami gave before the initiation ceremony onto my youtube account. I suggest everyone listen to the series of short videos that are in a playlist titled

Initiation Alachua May 31st 2010 http://www.youtube.com/user/newbiharvandhamkijai#p/p I tried not to cry because when I did the camera shook. But I cried and laughed I couldn't help it. I didn't take video of the fire sacrifice because I only had room for three more minutes of video. But I did take pictures. http://picasaweb.google.com/Amrtadevidasi/AlachuaMayJune2010#

After we returned home everyone was so hungry and tired. I found a plate of almost untouched day old prasad. I am very picky and won't eat after anyone other than my Gurudeva, his god brothers, and my own children. I laughed because Nandini Mataji will honor all prasad no matter. I was so hungry and felt seriously blessed to have the prasad so I thought I would just avoid the small spot that looked eaten from. Madhava Prabhu and the others began talking devotee katha about great souls who ate the thrown out remnants of devotees. It was funny because I am not usually willing to eat after others but the sak panir subi was so tasty that I ate it all before touching anything else and that was the one item that had been eaten from. My belly became full of wonderful prasad.

Madhava Prabahu and his wife Kunti Mataji went to a devotee restaurant planning to bring prasad back for everyone but it was closed for memorial day. They called saying they would go to the grocery store and come back and cook. After they called, a family of angelic devotees came in the door carrying vessel after vessel of hot prasad. I thought I must be dreaming. Who were they? How could it be they came when everyone was tired and hungry? (actually I was full and tired, that big plate of prasad filled me up.) The devotees were visiting from Jacksonville I think. They came to share prasad with their dear friend Nandini Kishori on her very spacial day. Mataji or someone please comment and fill in the details about these awesome devotees. The mataji had prepared a delicious coconut chutney, potato subji, dhal, dosa, and plum chutney. I might be forgetting a few items. When Kunti Mata and Madhava Prabhu returned from the grocery store, Kunti Mata and the angelic visitor were both in the kitchen together. Kunti Mata insisted on making "shells", a lasagna dish made with pasta shells. The rest of us were kindly but firmly instructed to sit and honor prasad. I relished a plate full and when my plate was filled again I explained that I was so full but would keep it for the next day. While everyone was eating Madhava Prabhu sat at the table talking about Krishna. Then when Kunti Mata finished cooking and came to the table he watched her take her first bite, after which he joined her and they both ate. He had mentioned a few nights before that it is a great fortune to serve a wonderful devotee, he was talking about his wife. I met several devotee families that were a great example of husband and wife respecting and serving each other and Krishna together. It was awesome.

Shyam Prabhu used Nadini's phone to take a picture of everyone at the table and in the kitchen. It will be nice to see those pictures and post them to this blog. It was a very special evening. Congratulations to Nandini Kishori dasi and the others who received the shelter of a bona fide spiritual master.

Meeting Jvala

Nandini mata had told me before that she had a friend that reminded her of me. On Tuesday morning I took a short walk down a path along side a field and through a small forest. I arrived at Jvala's home, the air around her home carried the scent of many sweet smelling flowers. The area was very much shaded by tall lush green trees.

I got chills hearing Jvala sing. It was refreshing and so unique. Our time together was short, but it was very nice. Singing, encouraging each other to record music, discussing lessons in a Krishna conscious life style. She suggested I record my music as it is now and then send it to other devotees who may be interested in recording tracks over it. I am going to email her to see that she is doing the same.

Breakfast with Varshana Maharaja

I didn't pay attention to my return flight info much at all. Nor did I bring the phone number of Prema Madhura (a god sister in Atlanta) but Nandini thought it would good for me to visit the Atlanta temple and I agreed so I tried to get a ride to Atlanta on Wednesday morning, and could have stayed with her friend who lives across the street from the temple. But we were a little late getting to the temple and I missed the ride to Atlanta. I didn't feel upset at all, and after morning class Nandini Mata asked Varshana Maharaj to join us for breakfast. We sat at a table in the shade with two other devotees and Maharaja. There was a casual discussion going on and I was enjoying listening about farm communities and such. Then I asked permission to ask a question. It was a question I have asked before and have been thinking about for a long time. "How do anartas go away? I Understand that Krishna purifies our heart when we chant. Many times I see an anarta, don't act on it, and thank Krishna for showing me and ask him to please remove it. But how long must they remain?" Maharaja spent a long while answering this question :)! We all listened very carefully.

He said that all of the demons in the Krsna book are representing demons in our heart. The ones that Krishna killed are the ones he will remove from our heart, the ones that Balaram killed are the ones we have to ask Balaram to remove. We have to become humble and beg Lord Balarama to please come into our hearts and kill them. He also said that my not feeding the demon ( not acting on the anarta ) was good. They become stronger if we act on them. But starving them won't make them go away. The anarta may even show itself more in rage of being ignored. So Maharaj answered that we must bring the anarta out of our minds and into the light by confiding in confidence to another devotee. In the light the anarta cannot remain. He said we should not confide in a babbling brook but in the dead sea. After he finished speaking I told them of an anarta that I saw just the day before. It was a simple thing and I didn't feel bad telling them because I corrected my thinking and didn't make an offense. Maharaj said that by bringing the anarta into the light we will see that we are not the anarta and we won't be rejected by the friend we chose to confide in. But just be careful who you share with. Plus seeing the anarta is awesome because it is better than not seeing and making offenses. I do want to let go and be rid of the nonsense and false ego. Thanks so much to Maharaj for helping by giving knowledge. He agreed to visit New Biharvan dham but didn't say when he would come. I hope he will come this year sometime.

Now back home and busy, answering lots of questions, and making lots of decisions. I remember Alachua as a home away from home. I hope to visit again. But not just Alachau, a lot of the devotees I spent time with live in other devotee communities. So I will plan and save and try to visit them all in different places.

Unutterable Fulfillment

2010-06-02T16:35:00.000-07:00

Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. There meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart. ~ Martin Luther King Jr. I came across this quote today and realized it is the synopsis of my stay here in Alachua.....

Though it may not be possible to fully describe what I have experienced over these past few days, I have a strong desire to share the nectar, and express the realizations that came.

Jvala Mata gifted me a notebook to write in, as Nadini Mataji knowing my nature said " you'll have to spend the whole trip home writing, :)

Garden Hands, Clean Minds, Grateful Hearts

2010-05-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hare Krishna,

I saw a quote yesterday that read, "What this country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds." I agree but extend it beyond this country to the entire human race.

Today I spent almost all of my time planting, sifting through soil, digging, watering and contemplating about how to design this years Garden. My hands are dry splintered and cut. And I'd do it all again. Garden hands, they remind me that I am not a princess as I had wanted to be when I was a small girl, but a farmer. :)

In the mist of the planting Arjun brought the phone out to the garden. A personality very close to my heart was on the phone and needed help immediately. After giving the little help that was asked for, I felt like I should just go back and check on her to see how she was coming along... the shovel took about a two hour rest. Being with this friend as she was getting the last details together before an international trip was very intimate. Not too many words were spoken, I just tried to see what was needed and take care of it. This is what comes over time, ( not on face book but face to face) Being able to offer some service to someone who has served me for so many years and mentored me very sweetly is something I am always thankful for. Helping her organize her purse before she boarded the plane and then seeing her face relax as everything was in order. I am so thankful for personal relationships. Hare Krishna,

~ Amrta dd

The Most Amazing Chapatis I have Ever Tasted

2010-05-13T20:58:00.000-07:00

Hare Krishna

Experimenting with spices and thinking about what would be nice for Krishna is exciting and suspenseful. Tonight Krishna had chapatis made with about 1 part basin flour 2 parts whole wheat flour, basil, hing, salt and freshly ground black pepper. I buttered them well on both sides.

WOW! Amazing!

The chapatis were served with chopped apples drizzled with sugar and lemon and salad with home made dressing.

I know that Yasoda Mata and Srimati Radharani added many more opulent items to the plate before the Lord sat to take his meal :)!

Prasadam Ki Jai!!

Sankirtan Nectar

2010-05-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

Hare Krishna

Dandavats! All Glories To Srila Prabhupad!

Today was my best day so far for book distribution. I didn't spend more than thirty minutes at it and 9 books went out, 8 small 1 big. It was so much nectar, all Krishna's mercy. I missed going to the campus this morning but tried in the grocery store parking lot, one went out. Then this evening I walked through campus and 8 more went. Krishna is so kind. I am seeing how this service inspires me in other areas of service. While cooking for the Lord my heart is really in it. I ask Krishna what he wants for dinner, and try very carefully to prepare everything nicely. Service is very special when I focus and put my heart into it.

Book distribution being very pleasing to the Lord, to Srila Prbahupad to Diksa Guru, to the distributor and to the person who gets the book, feels like an essential part of Krishna consciousness. For along time I was so scared to stop a person on the sidewalk , now I sometimes feel a little hesitant but I push myself and it is awesome! Just since Tuesday when I decided this was something I was determined to keep up I have noticed what feels like special mercy.

Tuesday evening was the most blissful arati I have offered. As I looked to each Deity I remembered their pastimes. I hope I will always be that meditative. Now that my children are older and helping more with keeping the house clean I am able to offer more opulent meals to the lord. Around noon I start thinking about preparing dinner for Krishna. I am trying to think of different items so the lord doesn't have the same meal twice in a week. I know it is my devotion that Krishna wants, and even when I was only able to offer pasta or subji and chapati. It was ok because I was taking care of small children. At that time even being able to have the offering to the temple on time took a lot of effort. So sweet it is now that I can start to increase the number of items and give more time into thinking of nice things to prepare.

Krishna takes such good care of His aspiring devotees, as we give our lives to Him He gives us intelligence to execute our duties. He has taken perfect care of me and my family.

I am just barely an aspiring devotee, I have to always beg for the mercy of the Lord so that I will keep up with my chanting, hearing and associating. Even though these activities are so pleasing, I can easily be mislead. So many lifetimes I have spent in total nonsense. Even though I feel nauseous thinking of mundane activities I could easily stagnate in Krishna consciousness. Being lazy forgetting the precarious situation I am in. That is why I am being careful to stay in devotee association and ask the Lord everyday to help me to rise up and chant and remember His pastimes. Sri Sri Radha Bhanke Bihari ki jai! New Biharvan dham ki jai! Srila Prabhupad ki jai! Ananta Koti Vaisnava Vrinda Ki jai !

So, for mothers, students, and other very busy devotees, try to distribute a book while out on errons. It will give so much nectar and mercy to you and who ever receives the book. Also Krishna will be so very happy with your efforts!

Hare Krishna

Your aspiring servant

Amrta dd

Book Distribution

2010-05-04T10:19:00.001-07:00

Hare Krishna !

Dandavats, All Glories to Srila Prabhupad!

Today I started again to distribute books. I say started again because I have started this before and then not kept it up. I know it is very pleasing to Srila Prabhupad and to my Spiritual Master Gopal Krishna Goswami, so it is always on my mind. But most of the time when I try I feel so nervous I can hardly approach one person. By the mercy and association of full time book distributors I have become brave and hopefully determined. Today on a morning walk through the campus 5 books went. The plan is to go every morning, and the goal is to get out at least 5 books.

After I get used to this then I'll try distributing in parking lots again. I get a lot of inspiration hearing about the book distribution efforts of others, comments are appreciated.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YRx2yBEHwg ( a short video clip of the devotees who just passed through Boise on their distribution tour)

Your servant

Amrta dd

Listen, It Is SO Sweet!

2010-04-29T14:16:00.001-07:00

Friday, June 19, 2009 at 8:46pm

Hare Krishna,
I have many a times felt like there was something I missed or something I should do.... go this way instead if that etc.. When I listen I always really appreciate having been guided from within. When I don't listen I soon realize my mistake and regret having ignored the Lord speaking to me within my heart.
This evening after putting the Deities to rest I felt like I was missing something, I wanted to take the time and let Krishna show me what it was he wanted me to do. It is really sweet how Krishna works and guides us. I had turned of all the lights to the alter, washed and dried everything. I was just ready to lock the Temple doors and go home when I had the feeling something wasn't right. I went back &looked at the counter in the pujari room, it looked clean. I felt it to make sure nothing was sticking. I noticed that I didn't dry the steal container for the Lord's caramrita. After drying it and putting it in it's place I thought that wasn't a big deal there must be something more. I looked on the floor and noticed some water I missed when wiping, ok that's kind of a big deal but..... this is so cool at least to me ;) I on my knees having just dried up the bit of water I looked to my left and saw that I had forgotten to put a new plastic bag in the little garbage container under the counter. It's kind of like playing a game trying to see just what Krishna is trying to tell us. :)!! It is important to have the bag in place because in the morning the pujari has little time to serve their Lordships before it is time to offer them arati. And the garbage is needed. I wouldn't want someone else to have to touch the garbage container and then wash again when they are trying to meditate on the service they are doing.
Having just experienced this sweet exchange I hope I will remember and be patient in the future. It is usually due to impatience that I sometimes don't listen. Spending time in this little lila was like having gulabjamins after finishing a delicious feast. I glad I didn't rush off and miss the desert!
Hari Bol!

My Gay Devotee Friend

2010-04-29T11:02:00.000-07:00

Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 11:08pm | Edit Note | Delete

Hare Krishna
All Glories to Srila Prabhupad
I have recently had the pleasure of meeting and preaching to a very sincere Mataji. Her realizations and attachment to Srila Prabhupad show that she is clearly bringing a lot with her from before this life time.
Recently she called me and said she had something to tell me but was afraid. By her hesitation somehow I knew and told her " It's ok, I know, you don't have to say" And it is ok. The conversation that followed relieved her fear that she would not be accepted in the Temple because of the fact that she has been gay her whole life.
I told her that " It is lust that binds us to this material world and that can not be satisfied , regardless of whether it is a man lusting over a woman or a woman lusting over another woman or what ever. To be freed from this continuing cycle of birth and death our hearts will need to be purified. When we chant the Maha Mantra Krishna cleans our heart. It is the process prescribed by the Lord Himself. So not to worry, just chant, eat prasadam, offer service and be happy in the process." This seemed pretty simple to me. It is the way my brother described it to me 8 years ago. It was my second time to the temple and somehow the subject came up between us "See that prabhu over there, he is gay. He is my good friend we travel and distribute books together. We are both celibate monks."
There was no problem for any of them. Because they all were through with lusting over the material body.
The Srimad Bhagavatam says that sex is for creating Krishna conscious children. Do we tell people as soon as they enter the temple, ok no more sex? Get real, if we did nobody would come more than once. We say" Hare Krishna! :)!! lets dance, chant and have prasadam!!" Then after they have been chanting, serving and are very serious they usually figure it out by reading... I have gotten phone calls. A shy voice saying" Mataji can I ask you a personal question?" that gives it away. :)
" Yes we really do lose our taste for that, and what replaces it is sooo much sweeter, it is transcendental pleasure, don't worry, you are already getting there."

My point here is that ISKCON is for everyone and everyone can be purified by the chanting of the holy names of the Lord. So lets not scare anyone off by saying "Either you give it all up right now or you get out." How long was it that Prabhupad waited before telling his followers exactly what was meant by no illicit sex? Srila Prabhupad was completely pure he could say so many things and no one was offended. We don't have that same potency. I am not at all suggesting that we should avoid or cover the truth, but let's use our intelligence to bring as many people to Krishna as possible. Krishna is for everyone. Srila Prabhupad did build a house in which the whole world can live. We should be careful to not send anyone away.
My friend has been celibate for 5 years and is not interested in any more sexual relationships but she is concerned that others may be turned away by harsh judgment due to their sexual preferences..
I was once preaching to two gay men while having prasadam. I explained to them the same way, but then another devotee Mataji turned around and said "that is demoniac." They did not return.
" It is demoniac" is a very harsh statement to make when trying to attract someone to the chanting of the Holy names. Intelligence must be used for the benefit of everyone. To please Srila Prabhupad and to please Krishna. The house is burning, everyone has the right to get out.
And it is our service to help them. Please, let's consider how to best do this.
your aspiring servant
Amrta dd

Srimati Radharani

2010-04-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

Thursday, August 27, 2009 at 2:21pm |

Hare Krishna,
All Glories to Srila Prabhupad
All Glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga, it is by their mercy that we are able to associate with devotees and offer service to the servants servants
All Glories to Srimati Radharani who's love For Krishna is ever increasing and who kindly allows to offer service to Her Lotus feet.
All Glories to Sri Krishna, our lord and master He reciprocates perfectly with every living entity and is always desiring our reciprocation and love.

I have been experiencing sweetness since 3:11 this morning :). Actually it started last night while I was laying down getting comfortable. I was thinking of Srimati Radharani and Bankebihari, trying to see them in my mind and was wanting to serve them and not forget them. Then before falling asleep, I wished to wake up early enough to chant good rounds before going for mungal arati and dressing Them (Deities in New Biharvan Dham) But kept my alarm set for 4:30. I didn't want to leave my comfortable spot and also I have been very tired since Janmastami and thought while it would be nice to get up on time and chant before my other service, still I needed to catch up sleep.....
Nectar! that is what happened! Srimati Radharani, has Her sights on Krishna and also on all of us. She is wanting to engage everyone in service to Her beloved Lord. She fulfilled my desire beyond what I could have imagined!
While sleeping I dreamt of preaching and distributing Srila Prabhupad's Gita. Aruddha Mataji and Gopal were in my dream preaching too :)!! I was speaking to people about joining the Friday Gita class. After everyone left, Aruddha Mataji and Gopal looked so happy. Gopal started mowing the lawn in front of the Temple but he was smiling really big and hopping around. After mowing the Temple lawn Gopal came and mowed my lawn. It was such a nice dream, to see them both. Just as I was seeing Gopal smiling and picking up toys from my yard I awoke and was like, wow it's 3:11, time to chant Japa, Hari bol!!!

I chanted 12 rounds, attended mungal arat and started service on the alter. Srimati Radharani amazes me with her softhearted nature. This morning Srimati Radharani was looking so happy, devotees EVERYWHERE wanting so much to serve Her and She is pouring on the nectar. I thought as I asked Bankebihari "may I place gopi dots on your Srimati Radhanrani's beautiful face" that this is almost more nectar than I can handle... but no it is not too much ...it is this association that is so personal. With each devotee Krishna is completely personal. Krishna and Radha are the sweetest masters, the sweetest couple, the sweetest people above and far beyond what I can perceive.

At 8:30 I came off the alter just long enough to meet Brenner ( the little girl who comes to learn reading during the week) And to send Nisha a birthday wish :). Then back to the Temple.
I have secretly longed to decorate Krishna's turban , but have not told anyone.
As soon I stepped on the alter Radhika Ramana Prabhu looked up from is work " can you please help me"
"Sure whatever you need me to do"..
"Can you start on Krishna turban? I am running late"
I was so surprised and happy. I didn't want to become giddy because I was on the alter. So with some real effort I stayed calm and stared meditating on the service and asking Krishna for help. I was able complete His turban and showed it Radhika. He approved and didn't change a thing. See, Srimati Radharani is giving out presents on Her appearance day! The good fortune of devotee association and also service is somewhat intoxicating at times, and this mornings activities have left me shivering. With the remnants of all that nectar I will chant 4 more rounds and try to get some rest before the children wake from their nap. Hari bol and Happy Radhastami to everyone! Thank you all for sharing you realizations and allowing me your association.
your aspiring servant
Amrta Devi dasi

~Author Anonymous~ A friend wrote this, sent it to me, and made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone who wrote it. I like it very much. :)

2010-04-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, October 14, 2009 at 10:50pm

If along the path of life, I ever slip
Please don’t worry about me,
‘Cause Mukunda doesn’t want you to worry
Over something that’s as sure as death

If my eyes close and never open again,
Please don’t try to open them,
Because they will be fixed on Kṛṣṇa’s lotus feet
Who then wants to see this burning house again?
So full of lust, full of greed,
Full of false ego.

If I stop responding to your words,
Please don’t worry about my ears,
Because I’ll be jamming in my Home,
Glorifying the Lord with His devotees
In complete bliss, eternity and knowledge.

If along the path of life, my soul leaves my body
Please don’t consider it as a loss
Think of it as Hari’s mercy.
Because we are His mercy,
And we breathe his mercy.
By His mercy we sustain,
And by His mercy we die.

Krsna's Mercy

2010-04-29T09:16:00.001-07:00

Friday, January 2, 2009 at 7:31pm

Krishna gives suffering, so why ask Him to take it away? Everyone has to suffer either due to karma or due to Krishna's grace. Last Sunday's Bhagavatam class confirmed that once we surrender to Guru and Krishna (DIKSHA) our karma stops. Then it is Krishna's hand that delivers suffering, not because of past deeds but for our own purification. As long as we have some material attachment we will suffer. Through the suffering we can see our attachments... we can try to let go.
One thing for sure Gaura arati is a soothing balm. The coolest balm. And singing is all the more beautiful through tears. Lord Nityananda's feet are the object of my meditation.
Hare Krishna I hope that we will all try to be tolerant, and also try very hard to be kind to everyone, it is my prayer that collectively we will chant more attentively until we are chanting 100% attentive rounds. For those not chanting 16 rounds I hope you will feel inspired to increase and futher develop your loving exchange with Krishna.
your humble servant
Amrta d.d.

Our Only Shelter

2010-04-29T09:07:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 6:39am

The lotus feet of the Lord are our only shelter. Sometimes, perhaps only to increase our dependence and faith we may be put into a situation which would be horrible for our sadna / painfully detrimental to us spiritual. In this situation pray to Guru, beg and plead and state your desire to be as qualified as possible and serve as nicely as possible. Then look to the feet of Lord Nityananda, hold his feet in your mind and pray, petition, that He is your only protector and it is He who sets the standards for service. He is after all the original Guru. Then if still no protection is coming take your plea to the lotus feet of Lord Caitanya, in intense desperation you can beg, He is here to protect the most fallen and that is my category, so we can petition in this way. Then if no protection is coming you can take your plea to the lotus feet of Banke Bihari. Knowing that actually Krishna doesn't have to protect you, he can cast you away if he wants. Still you can beg. It is indescribable, love the Lord has for all jivas even the insignificant jivas like myself.
I began to feel that maybe the Lord wouldn't protect me. That I would have to surrender and be left unprotected. But like a wind coming on a perfectly still day or rain coming without a cloud in the sky He uplifted my spirit and gave me complete protection. He is my only shelter, He can do whatever He likes. I have nowhere else to go.

Preparing To See The Lord

2010-04-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

Friday, June 26, 2009 at 11:53pm |

There is a lot of sweetness here right now. Every evening devotees gather in the Temple to sing Jagannath astaka. Then they hear Jaganntha Katha spoken by Radhika Prabhu while stringing flowers for the ratha yatra cart. This evening the class was so incredibly . I wish it had been recorded. It is always so sweet and enlightening to hear from Radhika Raman Prabhu. I was wishing that all of my far away friends and relatives where also hearing.This is the first year that Krishna is engaging me in Deity worship. I miss scrubbing the prasadam room floor, washing dishes ect.. But the devotion is the same regardless of the particular seva. And for the time being we have plenty devotees in New Biharvan dham so I can't be too greedy for seva. It is fun to share and see others happily engaged. Jennifer comes every evening and works on painting the rath. Sometimes Steve , Nalini, Shataksi, Emily Ashton or Laura work with her. Tonight she let Haladhar paint a little, he was so happy!
Lately I am getting the sweet taste of serving with a very special devotee and god sister. Last Sunday after their bath of 15 different freshly prepared juices, honey, yogurt, ghee and milk, Amrta Keli and I both bathed and dressed Jagannatha Baladeva and lady Subhadra. They were very messy. I felt so unworthy of the service and was very happy to have my god sister by my side. It was blissful. The ghee was not coming off easily so I held them in my arms and gave them a warm water bath . Because I am so used to holding babies in my arms I almost kissed Lord Jagannatha's head. Thankfully he checked me and I didn't ! I am definitely not qualified to kiss the lords head! But holding him was very special. Now they are in hiding in the jewelry room. I miss seeing them and serving them on the alter. It seems very quit and almost empty without Them. This evening while I offered arati to Radha Bankebihari, Laxmi Nirsimhadeva, and Gaura Nitai, Amrta Keli offered a separate arati to Jaganntha Baladeva and Subhadra. Then we washed the Lords paraphernalia cleaned and discussed about Gurudeva (who is coming in 4 days C: !!!
This evening reminded me of how it feels when a baby is just born. It is so special that time seems to go very slowly. I was trying to be focused on every detail I don't want to ever forget the faces, the katha... At about 9:30 we shared spaghetti and fruit prasad in the court yard. Anatarupa, Radhika, Anurag, Deliah, Jennifer, Ashton, Tommy, Aruddha Mataji, Amrta Keli, Emily, Laura and Haladhar and two new devotees who's names I can't remember. There is nowhere I would have rather been. Radhika mentioned that on youtube there is a video of Radha kund being cleaned. It is cleaned every 20 years. He said he would send me the link.

I am going to chant rounds now. I wanted to share this with the virtual bhakta community. Also I want to thank all of the devotees who have been posting pictures of The Ratha yatra Festivals in their communities. I appreciate reading your notes and seeing the pictures of devotees all over the world "every town and village" worshiping the Lord and chanting Hare Krishna! :)
Though I have not met most of you, I appreciate and am inspired by the service you are doing. Thank you.
your aspiring servant
Amrta dd

Sunday Class Given by Gopal Hari das

2010-04-29T08:59:00.001-07:00

Today while hearing Gopal Hari give class, I felt as though Krishna was talking directly to me. Two points that Prabhu gave went straight to my heart.. I have been meditating on them since then. So I don't forget and in an attempt to share with those who where not present during today's class, I will try to share what I learned.
He started by singing and playing harmonium. Anyone who has experienced hearing and following as Gopal Hari sings Jaya Radha Madhava knows that there are not words enough to explain the feeling.

The first verse He read was from the Caitanya Caritamrta, verse 108. After which he explained that everyone is concerned mostly for their own happiness. There is no getting around it. It is apart of who we are, we are eternity, knowledge and bliss, This is the composition of the soul, so how can we help but want to be happy. Someone who is unaware of how to be happy, is always searching and never satisfied. A devotee is happy engaged in service to Krishna. I wish I could remember just exactly how he explained this, But I have full faith in the message so I'll go with that. Serving Krishna is the same as serving ourselves and that is why we are perfectly satisfied when engaging in service to Krishna. When we try to serve our own senses we aren't satisfied because we aren't really serving ourselves unless we are serving the scenes of Krishna
( Please ask Gopal to explain this to you if you missed the class. I'm going to ask Him about it again tomorrow during Bhagavatam class.)
One example he gave was of an associate of Sri Caitany Maha Prbahu. A pure devotee of the Lord, requested that all living entities be liberated and return to the spiritual world. He was so full of compassion that he begged that he be allowed to suffer even for eternity in hell if only everyone else could go to be with the Lord in His eternal abode. Gopal asked the class how suffering in hell could bring happiness to the devotee. The answer is that for this devotee knowing that everyone else is enjoying with, and serving Krishna would bring so much happiness that he would not mind his own suffering.
He spoke that a pure devotee does care if he is respected or if anyone mistreats him. He is only concerned that everyone is seeing Krishna, hearing about and worshiping Krishna. I felt embarrassed for my silliness and concern over what really doesn't matter. I could feel Krishna was talking to me. And the knowledge was the destroyer of many anartas.
The next point that has given me so much joy was that when we enjoy our service, it is pure devotional service. If we preform our service without enjoying it then it is good, but it not pure. So naturally I thought of the immense joy I experience while bathing and serving the Deities on the alter. Even when there are so many pujaris on the alter that I am there only to hand what is needed to the devotee who is directly serving the lord, it is the top most nectar. It is not 100% pure because sometimes my mind wanders. But not far, and not at all often. It is very meditative.
I recalled having the privilege of moping the prasadam room floor, sweeping the parking lot and sidewalk, and taking out the garbage cans on garbage day.. i was attached to all of these services. On many occasions I have been almost drunk from the pleasure of serving devotees, this is a whole nother topic though...
As he continued to speak I was reminded of 10.25 in the Bhagavad Gita:
Of the great sages I am Bhrigu, of vibrations I am the transcendental om. Of sacrifices I am the chanting of the holy names(japa) and of immovable things I am the Himalayas.
Gopal was speaking that if we really love someone we not only serve them but we enjoy their company. If we do our duty and serve our family that is good no doubt, we should of course do our duty. But it is lacking love unless we actually enjoy being with the person we are serving. WOW I hadn't thought of that. Gopal went on to explain how when we are doing something boring our minds go all over the place but if we are with someone we want to be with or if we a hearing something very interesting then we are completely focused. If we are chanting Krishna names and our minds are going to different places or if we are focused but not enjoying the association with the Lord. We are saying with our actions that we are not enjoying Krishna company, there are other things we would rather be doing. But it is our duty to chant so we do it. This is so much better than not chanting at all. But the goal is sweeter, it is enjoying enjoy japa.!
I thought of this over and over, and when I returned home and began to chant I wanted to enjoy chanting. Then I had an even more awesome realization. Enjoying japa is as simple as wanting to enjoy. I just thought" I am chanting now and I want to relish every syllable, I want to hear every name and enjoy my time with the lord. I have never thought " Now I am going to enjoy chanting my rounds" I have thought I am going to try to fucus, or I am going to somehow manage to chant my rounds today. But enjoy, take pleasure in? Though I find some pleasure in chanting, especially in association with other devotees :) I don't haven't thought of my japa mediation as some pleasurable. I chant because I am a conditioned, insane, fool who has somehow stumbled upon devotee association and become the most fortunate rascal. If I don't take my medicine( japa, prasadam and seva) I will be completely insane.
I hope that everyone who reads this will think this way. It is so simple and true we only need to want to enjoy being with Krishna. About a month ago I relished chanting like never before. I didn't know why but I felt so much pleasure chanting japa. Rereading that statement I see that it is sad that we ever don't enjoy our daily japa meditation..It is sometimes a struggle to fit in an hour and a half of chanting. ( only If i have wasted time)
As Gopal was saying recently in morning class Bhagavatam class, we are so fortunate! Only in the middle planet does anyone have the inclination for spiritual advancement. And though there are many hellish planets and many heavenly planets, there is only one middle planet in this universe. And on this planet there are only 6 billion people, of those how many have the golden opportunity to take to the chanting of the Holy names. HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA KRISHNA KRISHNA HARE HARE HARE RAMA HARE RAMA RAMA HARE HARE.

Look forward to with great anticipation, taste, relish, be most grateful for your personal association with Lord. It is what he is asking from us, he only wants our love, JAPA <3

Beginning A New Service

2010-04-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

Sunday, April 19, 2009 at 10:06am |

Hare Krishna

I just returned from dressing Gaura Nitai, this was my first time helping with this service. For years I have looked and thought about how I would like to arrange the jewelery, and admired the beautiful way the belts are tied etc.
After praying,& asking for permission and guidance we remove their turbans, jewelry and clothes. Next we bathe them with a warm wet cloth. After we dry them, we dress them and arrange their jewelry. I so much enjoyed offering this service to the Lord. Gopal Hari was serving Radha Krishna, Srinivas Prabhu was serving Jagannatha, Baladev and Subadra. After Srinivas Prabhu finished with his service I looked and corrected some things on the turbans ( I decorate their turbans early in the week in the jewelry room) This was so nice. Srinivas noticed and smiling said "see now you can come make all the corrections." It always looks different once the turbans are placed on their heads.
There are more details to this service like the background curtains and wiping the alter clean etc.
We listened to a lecture by Srila Prabhupad while we worked. There was almost no talking, it was very intense. The Deities look beautiful and I very much appreciate working with devotees in the service of the Lord.
I have been wanting to see the devotee community grow and I was thinking this morning that wow almost over night it has grown. There are new devotees in the Kitchen ( Tim and Jocelyn). Sakar comes Sunday mornings to help with whatever is needed. And with Malati Manjari here everything is very sweet. We said good bye to Alecia, Nathan, Janardan and Lila yesterday, with a nice going away party at the park. Gopal Hari leaves Wednesday, but Aruddha Mataji is returning Tuesday, I always miss devotees when they leave. I was able been fortunate to have a lot of devotee association, and I feel very thankful for the friendship and exchange. Gopal will probably be gone most of the summer:( it will be lonely without him. When he returns I will be so excited to hear him sing Krishna's Holy names. Even with devotees leaving Krishna will remain :) Haribol he is our only steady friend. Never leaving, always instructing us from within our hearts. Thank you Krishna. Thanks for instructing this foolish jiva.
Hare Krishna